Monkey Business
by AllWhacked
Summary: Formerly titled: A Monkey's Butt. This is a Ranma 1/2, Monkey King fusion. Now, instead of being cursed with the spring of Drowned Girl, it's the spring of Drowned Sun Wu Kung.
1. Prologue

Monkey Business (v1.01, 7/21/01)  
  
Prologue  
  
By AllWhacked  
  
Send C&C to allwhacked@hotmail.com  
  
http://www.geocities.com/allwhacked/  
  
--- Disclaimer ---  
  
The characters of Ranma 1/2 belong to Rumiko Takakashi. All  
other characters to appear are owned by their respective  
owners. So in other words, I DO NOT own any of them unless  
otherwise noted, so please don't sue me because I have Zero  
money. Thank You.  
  
--- Warning!!! ---  
  
Anyway this is an Alterverse fanfic that may or may not have  
severe x-over tendencies. I don't know at this point.  
  
--- Note to Reader ---  
  
Credit for the new title goes to Gregg Sharp aka.  
Metroanime. Anyway, thanks Gregg.  
  
--- End Note to Reader, Start of Prologue ---  
  
In the heart of one of China's most Western of territories,  
lies the remote province of Qinghai or otherwise known as  
the Tibetan plateau. It is a land that though under the  
control of distant Beijing has remained relatively separate  
and distinct from mainstream Chinese culture and influence.  
In its isolation and its unique location at being on the  
borders of both India and Afghanistan, and where the old  
silk road once ran through, Qinghai and its people form a  
unique cosmopolitan mix of distinctly different cultures and  
ideologies that span both modern and ancient worlds.  
  
With the long standing differences within the regions  
various ethnic groups and combined with their isolation and  
the strong xenophobic tendencies of these groups, the  
region's inhabitants still cling strongly to the ways and  
values that have sustained their people even through the  
rise and fall China's greatest dynasties. Whether the  
people are Buddhist, Taoist, or Muslim, the land of Qinghai  
and its subcultures are living reminders of China's glorious  
and ancient past.  
  
++++++++++  
  
Despite the land being unfriendly to foreign travel, it did  
not deter a pair of Japanese martial artist as they made  
their way to the legendary training grounds of Jusenkyo. Of  
the travelers, one was a heavyset man, who wore wire-rimmed  
glasses and a white bandanna that was used to cover his  
otherwise baldhead. To the man's right was a handsome  
youth, who was obviously the man's son and yet despite being  
a youth, the teenage boy looked to be on the verge of  
manhood. As father and son walked along a dirt path  
carrying their large packs, ahead of the duo also walked a  
Chinese man with a pipe, his purpose appeared to be as the  
pair's guide.  
  
While the trio entered the secluded valley and came across  
what looked like a hundred small pools of water that ranged  
in various sizes, the father and son pair quickly doffed  
their packs as they prepared themselves to commence  
training. As the guide began to explain to the two in  
broken Japanese about the dangers of Jusenkyo, the two  
martial artists ignored his warnings as they leapt to the  
top of large bamboo poles that were erected in the middle of  
Jusenkyo's various pools.  
  
As father and son leapt at each other and delivered a series  
of high-speed punches and kicks, the guide grew frantic as  
he tried to warn his customer's that it was unwise to  
continue. Yet due to poor Japanese on his part, combined  
with the idiocy and ignorance of the two martial artists,  
something stupid was bound to happen.  
  
While standing on an opposite pole, the youth began in a  
cocky tone: "Hey Oyaji, I don't know why you had to drag me  
half way across China if this is all you got. I mean, if  
you're gonna fight like an old fat woman..." The boy left  
the taunt hanging as he watched his father boil in anger.  
  
Enraged by his son's arrogance and disrespect, the 'Oyaji or  
Old Man' that was otherwise known as Genma Saotome responded  
with a bellow. "Listen here boy. I was just going easy on  
you. Now I'm going to show you that you need to respect  
your father!"  
  
Watching his father almost explode in rage, the boy also  
known as Ranma Saotome snorted out: "Fat chance. You're  
hardly a match for me anymore Old Man. Perhaps you should  
retire and I should find me a new master."  
  
Hearing that last part, Genma got seriously pissed.  
Ignoring the guide's frantic warnings to stop what they were  
doing, Genma leapt at Ranma with red in his eyes. Despite  
being a master of Anything Goes and subsequently the  
Anything Goes School's technique of 'Trash Talk,' sometimes  
even the wisest and coolest tempered of men had their  
limits. However, Genma was neither wise nor cool headed and  
so it was little wonder at how easy it was for him to fall  
for his own technique.  
  
With mighty leaps, the two martial artists jumped into the  
air as if defying gravity. While reaching their aerial  
zeniths, the two launched a flurry of blows and blocks at  
each other. However, due to Genma's rage he made a fatal  
mistake just as his son, Ranma had wanted and anticipated.  
Seeing his father overextend a punch, Ranma rewarded the man  
with a boot to the back of the head, causing his father to  
go crashing into one of the pools. As he watched his father  
take a nice dip, Ranma in turn landed on an unusual pole  
that was red in color.  
  
Perching himself in wait for his father to emerge from the  
water's depth, he was rewarded with the shocked realization  
that from the pool his father just landed in, now emerged a  
giant panda. Too stunned to defend himself nor even to keep  
his balance, Ranma oddly enough caught the few words of  
pidgin Japanese the guide was spewing as he began to fall  
backwards. Watching as a furious panda leap up and prepare  
to pummel him, Ranma's mind began to slowly process what the  
guide was saying; something in the order of his father  
landing in the tragic spring of drowned panda and now his  
father taking on the form of that drowned panda. Although  
never one of the brightest of academic students, Ranma was  
no mental slouch and as he felt himself lose his balance and  
fall backwards into the pool's grasp, the connection that  
falling into one of these pools led to his father becoming a  
panda suddenly clicked.  
  
With a splash, Ranma felt his body slam into the water's  
surface and the feeling of wetness surround his features.  
Knowing that he was about to get cursed like his father,  
Ranma could do nothing but close his eyes and hold his  
breath as he waited for his body to emerge to the surface  
again. Feeling a tingling sensation as he entered the water  
and then feeling the soft muddy floor of the pool's bottom,  
Ranma pushed up and slowly felt himself rise. Eventually  
feeling the pelting warmth of the sun's rays as he neared  
the surface. Rising out of the pool and taking in a deep  
breadth, Ranma opened his eyes and tried to look down at  
himself, hoping all the while that he wasn't cursed into  
some terrible creature.  
  
Extending his arms out and seeing two hands and five fingers  
on each, he felt relieved to know that he was still human at  
least. But the final test was still to remain. Bringing  
his fingers across the fold of his gi, he closed his eyes as  
he pulled them apart--too afraid to glimpse at what he might  
have become. Opening his eyes slowly and peering down, he  
realized that he was still himself. His chest was firm and  
whole, nothing seemed to be out of place. He was even  
elated to find as he slipped a hand to the crotch of his  
pants that he was all there. As he looked down at his  
smiling face in the water's reflection, Ranma could not help  
but feel happy that nothing seemed to have changed with him.  
However, it was on closer inspection that he realized that  
his once cobalt blue eyes were now a startling flaming red  
in appearance.  
  
Hearing the rustling feet of the guide and his warnings  
about these 'Cursed Spring of Jusenkyo,' Ranma cocked his  
head up as he stared at the approaching Guide and what  
apparently was the Panda that had attacked him earlier. As  
he stared at the two, he noticed a few things that seemed to  
be off. First was the panda; narrowing his eyes, Ranma  
could have sworn he saw the faint outlines of his father's  
true form.  
  
"What the hell" he thought. "Maybe I did get cursed or  
something."  
  
As Panda and Guide rushed over with a kettle of water, Ranma  
began to pull himself out of the dingy water. However as he  
made his way out, he suddenly tripped from a sudden loss of  
balance. Splashing back into the pool, Ranma instinctively  
grasped the red pole that was erected in the pool's center.  
Re-catching himself and preventing another head splash, he  
suddenly felt the rod shift in his grasp. Looking more  
carefully, Ranma realized that what he had perched onto and  
was now holding was not a red bamboo poll, but rather a  
large metal rod.  
  
Pulling it up out of curiosity, he suddenly felt a swirling  
sensation as he watched the pool's water slowly drain down  
the hole that the rod had inadvertently plugged up. Feeling  
the water swirl around he watched in detached amazement as  
the water emptied down a narrow drain, ultimately leaving  
just himself and the four and a half foot long red quarter  
staff in his outstretched arm. It was as all this was  
happening that Ranma picked up the bits and pieces that the  
guide was saying.  
  
"Oh Mr. Customer. Most unfortunate. You fall into  
Shonmaoniichuan, Spring of Drowned Panda that drowned there  
2000 year ago. Now whoever fall into pool take on form of  
panda." It was as the Guide said that that Genma-Panda  
began to frantically wave his hand or rather paws in the  
air. Picking up the guide to express his dismay, the Guide  
ever quick to get himself out of a jam began to gibber out.  
  
"Oh Mr. Customer. Don't worry. Can reverse with hot water.  
See!?" he said as he poured the contents of a kettle that he  
had started to heat up for that morning's tea. Watching  
Genma shrink and morph back into his normal form, the guide  
eased up as he felt the man's grip loosen up. He then  
watched in amusement as he saw Genma dance a little jig and  
sing a song.  
  
"Oh Joy! I'm cured. To think, to be trapped as a panda.  
Oh the shame!" he cried and sung. However, while he danced  
a little diddy, the guide interrupted his merriment. "Oh,  
hot water no cure sir. Water only reverse curse. Whenever  
splashed with cold water, Mr. Customer take on form of  
Panda. It is a curse, no?" With the guide's pronouncement,  
Genma began to wail again at the inhumanity of the act. But  
it was then he realized that he was not alone, and promptly  
remembering that he son was also with him and had also  
fallen into a spring.  
  
Thinking to himself in a small mantra.  
"Pleaseletboynotlosemanhood, pleaseletboynotlosemanhood" he  
began to say in his mind as the guide and himself made their  
way to Ranma's position. As they watched as the boy hefted  
a large red rod from the pool's bottom and watched in  
detached amazement as the water drained to the bottom, it  
was the guide who began to speak out frantically.  
  
"Oh Mr. Customer. You fall into spring of drowned Sun Wu-  
Kung. It is a tragic story of Monkey King who drowned while  
trying to save a Buddhist Priest 1800 year ago. Now whoever  
fall in spring take on quality of Sun Wu-Kung. See! You  
hold Nyoibo. No one before could lift it. Legend say that  
Sun Wu-Kung's battle staff weigh more than 13,000 pound. Is  
heavy, no sir?"  
  
Trying to pick up the meanderings of the Guide's poor  
Japanese, Ranma replied instinctively in archaic Chinese.  
"What the hell are you talking about. This bo hardly weighs  
a thing. And what do you mean, Sun Wu-Kung. Who is that?"  
  
Despite speaking in a dialect that had long since passed on  
into antiquity, the Guide was familiar with Qinghai's  
various languages. And due in part to the region's  
isolation, some of its people still spoke in a tongue not  
much different from what the boy was now speaking in.  
Replying in Joketsuzoku dialect, the guide replied: "Oh  
Sir. I didn't know you spoke Amazon dialect. If I knew  
that it would have made explaining the dangers of Jusenkyo a  
lot easier." As he said that, the guide noticed the  
confusion on the boy's face.  
  
"You do know how to speak in Joketsuzokunese, don't you?"  
the guide queried. To which he was rewarded with an  
intelligent "Huh?" It was then the guide continued in the  
same dialect "you do understand me, right sir?" To which  
Ranma could only nod.  
  
The guide then smiled and continued. "See, I think the  
spring also affected your mind as well as body Mr. Customer.  
See, you fell into the spring of Sun Wu-Kung or Monkey King.  
It is of a tragic story of the fabled Sun Wu-Kung and during  
his journey to the west he inadvertently drowned while  
trying to save the life of a Buddhist Priest. Now, whoever  
falls into the spring takes on the form and now I guess part  
of the mind of Sun Wu-Kung. That's why you can speak in  
archaic Chinese. It is most fortunate that you fell into  
that spring. The spring over there is the spring of drown  
girl and over there is the spring of drowned tentacle  
monster. At least, with your curse you look almost the  
same, except for that hairy monkey's tail you got there."  
  
It was at hearing that last part and re-adverting his eyes  
to follow the direction that the guide was pointing at, did  
Ranma immediately noticed his new addition. Swaying as if  
having a life of its own, he could only stare and gawk and  
the long hairy monkey's tail that protruded from where his  
tailbone would have ended. With an odd smile, all Ranma  
could say was "cool" before he passed out, a feeling of  
euphoria spread across his body at the realization that  
through his father's stupidity, he was now transformed into  
one of his childhood heroes.  
  
--- Q & A ---  
  
Q1: Why does the guide lack plural speech patterns?  
  
A1: That's because I was trying to convey the fact that  
Chinese lacks plural to begin with.  
  
Q2: Does Genma seem to act a little off?  
  
A2: Yeah, but I didn't want to write a complete re-write of  
the original canon story and so I changed a few things.  
Genma acted a little like Soun in the sense that he wept at  
becoming a Panda, but I think it's an understandable  
reaction.  
  
Q3: Why do a story about Sun Wu-Kung?  
  
A3: Well, after reading many of DBZ fic, I noticed that  
Ranma got too super powered and so using the legend of Sun  
Wu-Kung which DBZ is based on, I figure I can have Ranma at  
reasonable power levels that he would still have trouble  
fighting various villains in the Ranmaverse.  
  
Q4: Where's Ryoga in all this?  
  
A4: That's... A secret.  
  
--- CC&S ---  
  
Send Comments, Criticisms, or Suggestions to  
allwhacked@hotmail.com Also if you're going to flame me, at  
least give me a reason besides "it sucks" or "you can't  
write sh*t." Thanks. 


	2. A Monkey's Tail

Monkey Business (v1.01, 7/21/01)  
  
Chapter 1: A Monkey's Tail  
  
By AllWhacked  
  
Send C&C to allwhacked@hotmail.com  
  
http://www.geocities.com/allwhacked/  
  
"..." = verbal speech  
  
'...' = thoughts  
  
[...] = panda signs  
  
  
--- Disclaimer ---  
  
The characters of Ranma 1/2 belong to Rumiko Takakashi. All  
other characters to appear are owned by their respective  
owners. So in other words, I DO NOT own any of them unless  
otherwise noted, so please don't sue me because I have Zero  
money. Thank You.  
  
--- Warning!!! ---  
  
Anyway this is an Alterverse fanfic that may or may not have  
severe x-over tendencies. I don't know at this point.  
  
--- Note to Reader ---  
  
Credit for the new title goes to Gregg Sharp aka.  
Metroanime. Anyway, thanks Gregg.  
  
--- End Note to Reader ---  
  
*** Japan, 1986 ***  
  
"Papa" chirped a five year old Ranma Saotome. The boy had  
felt lonely ever since leaving his buddy Ucchan, and  
combined with the recent mauling he received while training  
in the catfist, chiba-Ranma understandably needed something  
to cheer him up. Looking at his father who was roasting  
their meal over the campfire, Ranma continued.  
  
"Papa... Papa!" squawked the boy. The slightly raised tone  
alerted the father as he turned to face his son. Looking at  
the boy, Genma couldn't help but feel proud of his son. In  
his mind, Ranma was progressing well with the art and  
although the boy had 'learned' the catfist, the subsequent  
side effects were something he wished he had known before  
hand. Shaking his head slightly at his own failure, Genma  
gave his son his full attention, while subconsciously  
rotating the slab of meat that roasted over the campfire's  
flames.  
  
Seeing that he had gained his father's attention, Ranma  
began: "Papa. Can you tell me the story of Son Gokuu.  
Please!!" pleaded the boy.  
  
For Genma, he could only roll his eyes as he smiled  
inwardly. The story of Son Gokuu was an ancient tale that  
came from China. It was a fabulous tale mixed with Martial  
Arts and Magic that when Genma was young himself had filled  
his mind with the same wonderment and awe that was obviously  
running through Ranma's adolescent head. Knowing the  
legends and tales by heart, Genma began to reiterate his  
knowledge as a gleam of giddy delight crossed over Ranma's  
eyes.  
  
++++++++++  
  
Long ago there existed a monkey who was born of primal chaos  
and hatched from a stone egg that was impregnated by the  
sky. The monkey ruled over a kingdom of monkeys on a remote  
island and then named himself Handsome Monkey King. One  
day, an elderly monkey passed away and this prompted the  
Handsome Monkey King to leave the island, deciding that he  
needed to search for a way to become immortal.  
  
The Handsome Monkey King traveled through the lands of  
humans, and finally he found a mountain where a Taoist  
priest took him on as a disciple. The Monkey proved a very  
adept student at martial arts, magical transformations, and  
cloud dancing, the last art enabling him to leap thousands  
of miles with in a single jump.  
  
Although the Handsome Monkey King proved to be an excellent  
student in the arts, he was still a monkey and was  
mischievous. Ultimately, it was his mischievous nature that  
finally led the Taoist master to expel him for showing off.  
  
Leaving the Taoist Priest, Handsome Monkey King returned  
back to his island and destroyed the monsters that had taken  
up residence there. From his victories, Monkey grew  
arrogant and soon turned his eyes towards heaven, believing  
himself as powerful as the gods. He then named himself The  
Great Sage, the Equal of Heaven and demanded that the Jade  
Emperor recognize him as such. The Jade Emperor, realizing  
Monkey's power granted the Monkey his request and appointed  
monkey the position as Pi Ma-Wen--a title meaning stable  
boy.  
  
At first, Monkey was pleased by the title and happily  
performed his role until he found out it was a menial job  
and that all the other gods were laughing at him. Enraged  
at this insult, Monkey disrupted the activities of heaven,  
stealing and eating immortality granting peaches meant for a  
festival and consuming immortality pills prepared by Lao  
Tsu.  
  
After disrupting Heaven, Monkey fled back to his island and  
established various defenses as the gods pursued him.  
Embattled, he and his army of monkeys held off the heavenly  
forces who had on several occasions had to flee and wait for  
reinforcements. Finally, Lao Tsu, the Boddhisattva Kuan  
Shi-Yin, and the Deveraja family were able to subdue Monkey.  
Once captured, the Jade Emperor tried to have Monkey  
executed but Monkey possessed a head made of bronze and  
shoulders made of iron, thus breaking many a sword that used  
to fell him.  
  
Unable to kill the Monkey King, the Jade Emperor placed  
Monkey in Lao Tsu's cauldron to be exterminated, however the  
imprisonment in the cauldron only refined the monkey;  
causing his eyes to become diamond hard and turning his  
pupils flaming red. Ultimately, the cauldron could not hold  
the Monkey King and he leapt out to cause havoc in heaven  
once more. With Monkey on the loose again, the Jade Emperor  
petitioned Buddha himself to aid them and Buddha responded  
by waging a contest with Monkey. The goal of the contest  
was for Monkey to escape Buddha's hand.  
  
Monkey accepted the challenge and traveled for much time,  
ultimately landing at what he thought was the edge of the  
universe. By the edge he found five pillars and marked one  
of the pillars to prove to Buddha that he had traveled to  
the edge of the universe. When Monkey informed Buddha that  
he had won the bet, Buddha informed Monkey that he had yet  
to leave his hand, and promptly showed Monkey that the area  
that he marked was in fact one of his fingers. Losing the  
contest, Monkey was then trapped under a mountain and  
tormented for 500 years.  
  
At the end of the 500 years, Kuan Shi-Yin organized Monkey's  
release and appointed the repentant monkey to be the  
bodyguard for the holy monk, Tripitaka in his travels from  
China to the Western Heaven where he was to receive the  
scriptures of the sutras from Buddha himself. The task for  
being Tripitaka bodyguard was to be a difficult task,  
because Tripitaka had practiced a virtuous life of  
cultivation for his last ten incarnations. That meant that  
to eat his flesh would grant immortality to monsters and  
therefore made the monk a constant target for demonic  
attacks.  
  
However, by then, Monkey had acquired and developed vast  
amounts of powers that made him into a formidable bodyguard.  
Monkey knew the way of 72 transformations and he was able to  
change his body into anything from the size of a flea to  
that of a massive giant. In addition, each of his hairs  
could be transformed as well. The technique he developed  
allowed him to pull a few of his hairs and then by chewing  
them up and spitting them out, he could produce an army of  
copies of himself.  
  
Aside from that, he could disguise himself as any creature  
he had met, and only gods with very keen vision could see  
through his false form. In conjunction, Monkey too  
possessed very keen vision that would allow him to see  
through anyone's false form. His vision was so keen that he  
could spot a disguised monster from up to 10,000 miles away  
during the day. Beyond his talent for duplicating himself  
and seeing through the disguises of monsters, Monkey was an  
extremely skilled martial artist and with his knowledge of  
cloud dancing, he was able to cover massive distances in a  
very short time.  
  
In conjunction with his martial arts training, he also  
possessed a magic weapon, whom which he had won from the  
Dragon Kings of the ocean. He called this weapon his  
Compliant Rod and it was a shape-shifting stave of metal  
which was reported to have weighed more than 13,000 pounds.  
Because the stave could change shape, Monkey often condensed  
his Compliant Rod to the size of a toothpick and wore it  
behind his ear. Despite being able to shrink to the size of  
a toothpick, the rod was capable of becoming thicker than a  
battle staff, and could even produce multiple copies of  
itself at Monkey's command.  
  
At the height of Monkey's power, he wore a suit of golden  
armor that he bullied out of the Dragon Kings. But after  
his imprisonment he wore silk garments given to him by Kuan  
Shi-Yin, and a tiger pelt tied around his waist. But  
despite his great power, he did posses a few weaknesses. He  
was afraid of smoke after being cooked in the cauldron, and  
so any smoke of any kind made his hard eyes water. Monkey  
was also a poor fighter underwater and so his opponents  
would often flee into lakes or rivers to escape his wrath.  
Beyond this, Monkey was also very poor at meditating due to  
his monkey nature and so was completely unable to sit still.  
But his greatest weakness was the iron crown on his head  
that was imposed upon him by Kuan Shi-Yin. Whenever a  
certain spell was recited, the crown would constrict and  
crush Monkey's head.  
  
Monkey kept watch over the monk for nearly the entire  
journey, becoming Tripitaka's disciple, along with Chu Pa-  
Chieh, The Sha Monk, and the Dragon Horse. During the  
journey, Monkey had to face many monsters, some of which  
were former allies from his own monstrous past. Finally the  
scriptures were recovered, and Monkey was renamed Sun Wu-  
Kung and was made the Buddha of Victory Through Strife. [1]  
  
++++++++++  
  
As Genma finished telling the tale of Sun Wu-Kung, he  
watched his son take on a semi-serious look. Seeing his son  
finally focus back onto him, he listened as the boy spoke.  
  
"Papa. When I grow up I want to be good as Son Gokuu. I  
want to be the best just like him."  
  
Hearing the boy's vow, Genma could only smile at that.  
Despite the failure and trauma of the catfist, Ranma was  
still his son and still willing to become what he himself  
had always wanted--to be the very best. Seeing Ranma begin  
to eye their meal, Genma replied: "Don't worry son. If you  
do as I tell you and practice the art, there is no doubt in  
my mind that you will be no greater that Son Gokuu."  
  
With that statement, Ranma could only beam as he dreamed of  
becoming that fabled hero of legend.  
  
*** Nerima, Japan the Present ***  
  
It was a rainy day in Nerima, Japan as Soun Tendo sat alone  
in the veranda of his household. With tears in his eyes and  
clutching a post card with the picture of a panda eating  
bamboo on one side, Soun was ecstatic with joy. 'Soon' he  
thought. 'Soon, our dream to unite the two schools will  
finally be realized.'  
  
Seeing his middle daughter, Nabiki out of the corner of his  
eye, he called his daughter over and informed her to gather  
her other two sisters for a family meeting. After informing  
Nabiki, Soun sat in contemplation as he thought of the best  
way to break the wonderful news.  
  
*** In the Tendo Dojo ***  
  
Akane had finished with her morning jog and was now in the  
act of one of her favorite past times--breaking stuff. With  
a mighty "Kiyaah" Akane raised her fist to her hip and while  
in a deep horse stance, she then shifted her weight and in a  
swift motion brought her fist down in a mighty blow,  
breaking the offending stone block.  
  
Staring at her accomplishment, she was startled by the  
entrance of her elder sister, Nabiki. Seeing that she was  
wanted, she listened as Nabiki began to belittle her martial  
arts talent; explaining that all the boys thought that she  
was weird because of it. 'Those Perverted Bakas' Akane  
angrily thought to herself. 'What would they know!?' She  
contemplated voicing her displeasure but kept her tongue in  
check and replied more diplomatically with: "you know, the  
whole world doesn't revolve around boys!"  
  
Rolling her eyes, Nabiki then smirked in a way that told  
Akane that her sister knew something that she didn't. Often  
a precursor to bad things she also noted. Listening  
intently, Nabiki began to relay their father's latest good  
news.  
  
*** Raining Streets of Nerima ***  
  
"...Growf Growf..."  
  
"You know Pop, you shouldn't be complaining. It's your own  
damn fault for going to Jusenkyo and getting yourself cursed  
in the first place."  
  
"Growf"  
  
"Yeah yeah. Your fur is all wet, I know. Believe me I  
know. I mean, you might be the one to wear it, but I'm the  
one stuck with smelling your stink-ass since we left China."  
  
Genma-Panda could only stare at his Ranma as he contemplated  
whether or not to belt his son in order to teach him to  
respect his father. Seeing Ranma stare down at him with  
those cursed red eyes of his, he knew that to do so was  
futile. Staring back down in defeat, he let out another sad  
"growf."  
  
"Don't be such a stick in the mud Pop. I mean, sure you got  
cursed to be a panda but at least my curse is kinda cool.  
Not only do I turn into Son Gokuu, but if what the guide and  
Cologne-sensei said were true, I should be able to emulate  
some of his powers."  
  
Genma-Panda perked up at that. Being depressed about his  
own curse, he forgotten all about the benefits that his son  
received from falling into Spring of Drowned Sun Wu-Kung.  
Thinking silently to himself, he thanked the Kami that  
Jusenkyo proved to be not a total waste... not like that  
'Catfist' training.  
  
Whipping out a sign from 'Panda Space' Genma wrote on the  
small wooden sign: [Son, we should be nearing the Tendo Dojo  
of Anything Goes Martial Arts.]  
  
At that proclamation, Ranma replied: "Oh, are we here to  
challenge the school? No problem" he began to crack his  
knuckles in anticipation of testing his new body.  
  
[What? No, the Tendo Dojo belongs to my long time friend,  
Soun Tendo. We'll be staying there for some time.]  
  
Ranma looked on with a puzzled expression and then replying  
in an incredulous tone: "What!? You... you have a friend  
Pop?"  
  
The jab at Genma's esteem was rewarded with an angry "growf"  
and the following: [Oh course I have a friend, you cheeky  
boy! Now I want you on your best behavior. That curse of  
yours makes you a bit mischievous and I don't want you  
screwing things up!] 'especially since Soun will soon  
become your father-in-law' Genma mentally added.  
  
"Oh well in that case, maybe we should hurry so we can get  
out of the rain then."  
  
Genma-Panda thought for a second and smiled a mischievous  
panda smile. While bringing his paws together and gently  
rattling his digits together he thought to himself in a  
Burns like manner: 'Excellent, soon you'll meet one of  
Tendo's daughters and then it'll be love at first sight,  
followed by a quick marriage, and then a long early  
retirement at my child's suffering, bwahahaha.'  
  
While Genma-Panda had suddenly stopped in his tracks, Ranma  
had a dubious expression on his face as he watched his  
father pull off a patented 'mad scientist' maniacal laugh  
while in his Panda form--a sight that proved most  
disconcerting to the pigtailed martial artist.  
  
Not knowing what to do and losing interest quite quickly,  
Ranma shrugged his shoulder and thought that perhaps he  
wasn't the only one whose mind was affected by their  
Jusenkyo curse.  
  
*** Back at the Ranch ***  
  
"China!? Ooh, how exotic."  
  
"China! Big deal. That doesn't automatically make him any  
good!"  
  
"Father, what is he like?"  
  
"Yeah Daddy! What is he like?."  
  
Soun, who listened to the exchange of words immediately took  
on a stoic and faraway look. The impression that he was  
giving his daughters portrayed that the Tendo patriarch had  
known Ranma for quite some time--perhaps their father had  
actually thought something through for once. However that  
wasn't to be, because as the three daughters inched closer  
to their father, waiting for him to continue, they were  
jolted in shock as Soun replied in an even tone.  
  
"I haven't a clue."  
  
"..."  
  
"Not a clue!? As in you have no idea, you haven't met this  
boy?"  
  
"That is correct, daughters. I've never even set eyes on  
him."  
  
"You mean you've never even seen this boy we're to marry?"  
replied Soun's middle daughter. She obviously needed  
confirmation, because her ears couldn't believer what she  
just heard.  
  
Receiving a nod followed by some nervous chuckling, the  
other two Tendo daughter's responded.  
  
In a disapproving tone, Soun's eldest daughter, Kasumi  
voiced: "Oh Father" her head began to shake from side to  
side at her father's foolish actions.  
  
While Kasumi remained relatively calm, his youngest  
daughter, Akane began to froth at the mouth like a rabid  
dog. "Oh just friggin fantastic! Thanks a lot dad! You  
just ruined our lives and to top it off, I'm sure you  
probably engaged us to some hentai pervert." She then  
proceeded to give her father an angry stare that promised  
that crazy sucka(Soun) massive pain. However, despite her  
best Mr. T impression, her efforts to give Soun the evil eye  
went on blind eyes as a knock was heard from the front door.  
  
With the interruption, Nabiki immediately got up and made a  
bee line to the door. 'It must be our fiancé' she thought.  
  
  
Despite wearing an attractive formal kimono, the cumbersome  
dress did not seem to impede her movement as she beat her  
father to the door. Following close behind, Soun who was  
beginning to feel the heat in the room go up a few notches  
was also anxious to meet his future son-in-law as well as  
his friend, Genma. As the two reached the front door and  
opened it, they were greeted with the shock of their life.  
  
Soun screamed like a frightened school girl and backpedaled  
out of the hallway while his daughter looked at her father  
with mild embarrassment and disgust. Quickly ignoring her  
father's rather cowardly/un-masculine behavior, her swift  
mind returned to the problem at hand. Looking at the front  
door, she was greeted by the sight of a large panda standing  
up on its hind legs. Not sure what to do next, she too  
followed suit after her father.  
  
Turning the corner she caught site of the concerned looks  
from her other two siblings. The first one to speak was  
Akane.  
  
"What's the matter?"  
  
Soun was still gibbering like Scooby Doo while Nabiki  
regained her composure. As everyone stood either stunned or  
puzzled, in walked a large intimidating panda. Seeing the  
beast and its negative affect on her family, Akane  
immediately started feeling her urge to kill rising.  
Whispering loud enough for her sisters and consequently  
Genma-Panda to hear, she began:  
  
"You two keep that panda occupied, while I run back and  
fetch the family honor blade. When that thing isn't looking  
"pow!" one dead sucka-panda." The other two girls nodded  
their heads in understanding, while Genma-panda eyes bugged  
out.  
  
Genma-Panda immediately went to 'Panda Space' to retrieve  
his marker and sign, while Kasumi replied: "But sister,  
aren't pandas endangered? Perhaps it's a bit harsh to kill  
it."  
  
With his sensitive ears, Genma picked that last bit from  
Kasumi and hastily wrote: [That's correct girl, listen to  
your sister. You don't want to kill me. (flip sign) After  
all, I'm just a cute cuddly panda and an endangered species  
too.]  
  
The three Tendo sisters looked at the panda in shock and  
three separate lines of thought went into play that were  
coincidentally voiced out.  
  
"My, what a well trained panda" began Kasumi.  
  
Licking her lips, Nabiki replied: "No kidding sis, I wonder  
how much a trained panda like that could fetch from a  
circus?"  
  
In contrast to the other two, Akane responded with: "That's  
no panda, it's a youma and as the self proclaimed champion  
of feminism and martial arts, I'm Sailor Akane Tendo and in  
the name of the Tendo Dojo I'll punish you." Doing what she  
thought was a fancy sentai pose to cap off her speech, to  
onlookers her stance reminded them more of a crab than the  
graceful crane she had envisioned. Promptly falling over  
due to a lack of balance, everyone including the panda sweat  
dropped.  
  
Regaining his bearings, Genma wrote: [Hi, I'm Genma Saotome  
and I'm looking for Soun Tendo.]  
  
*** Blink Blink ***  
  
Soun, who broke out of his shock replied: "Genma?... is that  
really you?" Receiving a nod from the Panda, Soun went into  
tears. "Wahh!! My good friend Genma has died and his  
spirit has taken possession of this innocent panda.  
Waahh!!"  
  
Seeing his friend breakdown and immediately jump to such a  
stupid conclusion, Genma could only shake his head while  
signing: [Just please get me some hot water and I'll  
explain.]  
  
In the mean time, Kasumi replied: "Oh, I guess I better call  
a priest and order an exorcism." Soun didn't respond, he  
was too worked up mourning his friends death while Akane and  
Nabiki just stared in further shock. Before Kasumi could  
leave to make a phone call, another knock was heard at the  
from door. Being the only one who seemed to be coherent  
enough to move, Kasumi was the one to greet their newest  
guest.  
  
Making her way around the corner, she caught sight of a dark  
shadowy figure. There, standing in the doorway was  
something she thought akin to that of a demon. She knew the  
figure was male, and as the light from the hallway mixed in  
with the evening's black, the limited illumination served  
only to highlight glistening white teeth and cause his red  
eyes to glow in an eerie shine.  
  
For a brief second, Kasumi was too afraid to move. However,  
before her knees had a chance to buckle in fright, her  
forward momentum had carried her the necessary distance to  
realize that her demon spawn was in fact a handsome young  
man.  
  
Quickly assessing this stranger, she estimated his height to  
be shy of 6 feet, and as indicated by how his rain soaked  
clothes clung to him, he also possessed quite a nice  
athletic build. As she neared enough to take in his facial  
features, she felt a lump in her throat and her heart  
palpitate a few beats quicker. "Oh my" was all that escaped  
her lips.  
  
Staring off in fantasy land, Kasumi couldn't help but marvel  
at the young man's friendly smile; with his perfect teeth,  
his smile was inviting, invoking in Kasumi the feeling of  
warmth and compassion from the man. As her gaze moved  
upwards, past his perfect lips and nose, she came across his  
flaming red eyes.  
  
Something seemed unnatural to her, but it no longer brought  
up feelings of dread and fear she had initially felt.  
Kasumi knew that the eyes were said to be the window to  
one's soul. With that in mind, she gathered that this  
stranger's flaming red pupils talked of a charismatic  
individual who had probably lived a chaotic and exciting  
life.  
  
While in the midst of her own fantasy, so caught up was  
Kasumi that she didn't catch herself staring. And  
furthermore, failed to acknowledge the stranger as he began  
to wave a hand in front of her glazed over eyes and voiced  
queries of concern. Finally feeling a light tap on the  
shoulder, Kasumi broke out of her dream state and admonished  
herself for being so rude. Making her introductions, Kasumi  
began...  
  
"I'm sorry, but can I help you, sir?"  
  
"Why yes? Um, excuse me miss, but my name is Ranma Saotome  
and... (sigh) I know this might sound odd, but didja see a  
large panda come by here by any chance?"  
  
Kasumi only stared as a blush formed over her cheeks, giving  
her a rosy but cute complexion. "Oh my" she said softly.  
In her mind: 'Saotome? This is my, I mean our fiancée?'  
When Kasumi had initially been informed by her father, she  
was quite concerned that she would be forced to marry some  
young child. She had heard that when arranged marriages  
were more common in Japan, often it took families some time  
to produce a male heir and often a young woman found herself  
married to an adolescent child--being more of a mother than  
wife to her husband.  
  
Looking at the boy, or rather she mentally chided "young  
man" standing before her, her earlier concerns and fears  
were assuaged. Thinking: 'he seems quite mature and (blush)  
developed' as her eyes began to roam once again over his  
chest and how his rain soaked shirt clung to him like a  
second skin.  
  
'Oh my, with those Chinese clothes and that umber sash, he  
looks quite roguish. Like one of those heroes in those  
Chinese epics I used to read.' Smiling to her guest, but in  
reality smiling more to herself, Kasumi began to reply some  
more while leading the young man out of the rain and into  
the parlor with the rest of her family.  
  
"Saotome-san, yes a panda did come by her not more than a  
few minutes ago. In fact your panda is in the parlor with  
father and my two sisters. Please, if you would follow me I  
can you lead you to him." Taking a step back, the young man  
introduced as Ranma consented.  
  
"Thank you, um... I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name."  
  
"Don't be, Saotome-san. It's really my fault for forgetting  
to introduce myself. I'm Kasumi Tendo. If you could put  
your shoes there, you can follow me." Ranma smiled as she  
said that.  
  
"Thank you very much Tendo-san. But you can just call me  
Ranma." Seeing Ranma's ever present smile, she replied in  
kind. "Okay Ranma. Then please call me Kasumi."  
  
++++++++++  
  
--- Notes ---  
  
[1] I just wanted to note that I got my information from  
Encyclopedia Mythica from an article written by Darrell E.  
Hayhurst III. Its link is at:  
http://www.pantheon.org/mythica/articles/s/sun_wu-kung.html  
  
--- Q & A ---  
  
Q1: Wasn't the Monkey King's name, Sun Wu-Kung and not Son  
Gokuu?  
  
A1: Yeah it is, but that's the Chinese pronunciation. In  
Japanese it Son Gokuu if you didn't already know.  
  
--- CC&S ---  
  
Send Comments, Criticisms, or Suggestions to  
allwhacked@hotmail.com Also if you're going to flame me, at  
least give me a reason besides "it sucks" or "you can't  
write sh*t." Thanks. 


	3. Chapter - 02

Monkey Business (v1.00, 05/16/02)  
  
Chapter 2  
  
By AllWhacked  
  
Send C&C to allwhacked@hotmail.com  
  
http://www.geocities.com/allwhacked/  
  
--- Disclaimer ---  
  
The characters of Ranma 1/2 belong to Rumiko Takakashi. All  
other characters to appear are owned by their respective  
owners. So in other words, I DO NOT own any of them unless  
otherwise noted, so please don't sue me because I have Zero  
money. Thank You.  
  
--- Warning!!! ---  
  
Anyway this is an Alterverse fanfic that may or may not have  
severe x-over tendencies. I don't know at this point.  
  
--- Note to Reader ---  
  
"..." = verbal speech  
  
'...' = thoughts  
  
[...] = panda signs  
  
--- End Note to Reader ---  
  
+++ Tendo Living Room +++  
  
"Genma?... is that really you?" began Soun with a mix of  
apprehension as well as hope in his voice. "How did this  
happen to you and what about Ranma? Is he alright?"  
  
[The boy is all right, Tendo. Just get me some hot water  
and I can explain everything,] replied back Genma-Panda.  
  
Soun nodded numbly to the request and was about to lead the  
large panda into the kitchen when he caught sight of his  
eldest daughter rounding the corner of the hall. Behind her  
walked a handsome stranger whose image invoked a long  
forgotten memory of his 'late' friend's wife, Nodoka.  
  
'That must be Ranma,' thought Soun as he quickly forgot  
about Genma's water. While ignoring the panda sign asking  
for "hot water first, then boy later," Soun bridged the gap  
between himself and the young man as he gently wedged his  
way between Ranma and Kasumi--ignoring the slight pout  
Kasumi made when he did this.  
  
"Hello there young man," interrupted Soun. "You must be  
Genma's boy, Ranma?" Soun had an eager expression on his  
face as he knew without a doubt that this was indeed Genma's  
son. 'Oh, happy days,' he thought when he saw the young man  
nod his head.  
  
"That's right," began Ranma. "Um, you must be Mr. Tendo,  
right?"  
  
Soun nodded and quickly gripped Ranma in a tight hug. "Oh  
it's so good to see you son; I was afraid something terrible  
might had happened to you when your--" Soun paused for a  
second as he turned around to look at Genma-Panda. Shaking  
his head, he then began to ease his grip on Ranma to now  
look the boy straight in the eye and continued: "Now tell me  
son, what has happened? Why has your father's spirit taken  
possession of that poor beast over there?"  
  
Ranma replied with an intelligent "Huh?" before realizing  
that he meant his father. "Oh, you mean Pop," he began.  
"Yeah, don't worry. While we were in China we got cursed  
and shit happened. Now, when splashed with cold water Pop  
over there will turn into a panda; hot water will turn him  
back though."  
  
At that moment, Kasumi--now somewhat understanding of the  
situation--rushed off towards the kitchen to fetch some hot  
water for her possible future father-in-law.  
  
In the mean time, Genma nodded in agreement. [That's right,  
Tendo. Listen to the boy and get me some hot water and I'll  
explain everything.]  
  
No sooner had Genma finished writing did Kasumi return with  
the kettle she had prepared earlier for evening tea.  
  
"Oh here, Mr. Saotome," chimed Kasumi. She promptly handed  
the kettle to Genma who poured the steaming hot water over  
his head. Although the water was hot, Genma ignored the  
pain as he again relished the feeling of being fully human.  
  
"Oh thank you very much, dear," began Genma. Then turning  
to Soun: "See Tendo-" Genma was unable to finish his  
statement when the world suddenly turned black.  
  
"Ack! It's a youma," screamed Akane as she removed her fist  
from the back of Genma's skull. Genma in turn began to  
wobble at the knees and in slow motion fell flat onto his  
face. In the back of everyone's mind, the faint words of  
'timber!' seemed to echo in unison.  
  
  
As seconds passed in silence, everyone aside from Ranma  
gazed upon Genma's now human and prone form with wide eyes  
of disbelief. They all had not just seen what they thought  
they had seen, now had they?  
  
Before the question could be answered, Ranma interrupted the  
stunned audience by coughing into the palm of his hand.  
"Ahem," he began. "Sorry to interrupt but..." He then  
motioned to Genma's comatose form and Soun nodded.  
  
"Oh right right," mumbled a dazed Soun. "Kasumi could you  
please prepare a futon for my friend while Ranma and I carry  
him upstairs?"  
  
Kasumi nodded. "Yes, father." She quickly rushed upstairs,  
happy to have something else to keep her mind off the  
unbelievable sight she had just witnessed--leaving to fetch  
some spare bedding while everyone else was left downstairs  
to deal with Mr. Saotome.  
  
"Akane," continued Soun once Kasumi left. "I want you to  
apologize to my friend once he wakes up. I didn't raise you  
to hit guests of the house," he added this part with a stern  
tone of voice that caused the youngest Tendo daughter to  
cringe at being scolded.  
  
She was about to retort to her defense when Ranma  
intervened. "Ah don't sweat it Mr. Tendo. I'm sure my old  
man would be impressed with someone as unskilled as your  
daughter getting the drop on him like that."  
  
Soun took pause at this and nodded. "Quite right, son.  
Genma would be impressed at such a feat." Turning to Akane.  
"But that still doesn't mean you're off the hook, Dear. You  
will apologize to him once he regains consciousness. Is  
that understood?"  
  
Akane nodded as she bit her lip in anger. She had listened  
as this strange boy had belittled her skill, calling it an  
amazing feat that 'someone as unskilled as your daughter'  
could get the drop on Genma.  
  
In Akane's mind, the word 'unskilled' was emphasized as the  
sound of his voice continuously played over and over in her  
head. 'Unskilled, unskilled, unskilled...' her mind ranted.  
In those few seconds that it took during the initial stage  
of comprehension, down to the moment of rebuttal, Ranma and  
Soun were long gone; Soun of course rushing Ranma upstairs  
before Akane could react to the slight made against her  
skills.  
  
+++ Upstairs, Tendo Household +++  
  
"So, Mr. Tendo, how is it that you know my Pop? He never  
mentioned you before, not until today that is."  
  
Soun had a far away look on his face as he remembered back  
to his youth, with feelings of fondness, fear, and nostalgia  
mixed in. "Well, son," he began. "Your father and I were  
training partners under the 'Dreaded Master.'" Soun  
shivered in slight apprehension at thought of the pervert.  
'May he rot forever in that cave,' he thought in prayer.  
  
Shaking his head. "We had suffered many hardships together  
during that time and through it all your father was there  
for me--keeping me sane with the promise that one day our  
dream to unite the two schools would be fulfilled." Soun  
let off a large smile with an aloof expression on his face.  
As he gazed off towards a fantasy of finally securing the  
Tendo legacy, Soun's lack of attention led to him not  
noticing Ranma's curious expression.  
  
"Wow Mr. Tendo, that must be some dream. So? How are you  
and my pop supposed to unite the two schools; is he going to  
be teaching here now?"  
  
Soun shook his head from his dream like state as he baulked  
in surprise at Ranma's response. "Son, you mean your father  
never told you?"  
  
"Told me what?" replied Ranma.  
  
"That you're here to marry one of my daughters and through  
marriage unify our two clans and through proxy the two  
schools."  
  
Ranma cocked his head to the side as the information slowly  
trickled into his head. He let out a calm "Oh," before  
adding. "Cool, was that your daughter who answered the door  
for me?"  
  
Soun nodded with a smile on his face. "That's right, that's  
Kasumi, my eldest; she's nineteen. The one in the kimono  
was Nabiki, she's seventeen and the one in the yellow dogi  
was Akane, she's sixteen. Choose whichever one you want and  
they'll be your new fiancée."  
  
Ranma nodded as the two men continued carrying Genma's inert  
form into the spare guest room. As the two waited for  
Kasumi to arrive with the new sheets, Soun began to prod  
Ranma for his opinion on his three daughters.  
  
"So, which one will it be?" He smiled as he saw that the  
boy wasn't going to be difficult; it even seemed that Ranma  
might even want this engagement. 'Unlike my daughters,' he  
mentally added.  
  
Soun then continued in a helpful tone of voice with:  
"perhaps Kasumi?" The man couldn't help but notice the  
healthy blush his daughter gave off when she first entered  
the family parlor with Ranma in tow, Soun had also noticed  
Ranma's appreciative gaze as the boy looked at Kasumi's  
retreating backside. 'It's already love at first sight,' he  
thought with delight.  
  
"Kasumi?" replied back Ranma as her name seemed to roll off  
the back of his tongue. "She's.. she's I don't know what to  
say, but..." Ranma hesitated as Soun's brow furled.  
  
"But what?" added Mr. Tendo in a disapproving tone. "Is she  
not good enough for you?"  
  
Ranma shook his head as he seemed not to notice the delicate  
situation he had placed himself in. "No that's not it.  
It's just that this whole fiancée thing seems all so new to  
me. When I first saw your daughter I had to admit I was  
very attracted to her. I mean the women I've met in China  
were beautiful but your daughter was absolutely breath  
taking and she seems so nice and I..." He paused as he  
caught himself. "Sorry Mr. Tendo, I shouldn't be talking  
that way about a girl I just met, especially to her father."  
  
Soun chuckled as he nudged Ranma in the ribs. "Don't worry,  
son. I was that age once. Why, I remember when I first met  
me dear wife. She was so beautiful in that summer kimono,  
with her hair was put up just right. I can even still  
remember the faint smell of her perfume..." Tears began to  
well up as he put a fatherly arm around Ranma. "Oh son, I'm  
sure you'll make my dear Kasumi a happy bride!"  
  
Just then Kasumi came in with the rest of the bed sheets,  
followed closely behind by Nabiki and Akane. "Oh father, I  
heard my name. Is something the matter?" inquired Kasumi  
with puzzled concern in her eyes. She then settled into the  
room as she began to lay out the bed sheets, maintaining all  
the while her calm façade as she hid the fact that she and  
her sisters had been listening in on their father's  
conversation.  
  
For Kasumi it was extremely difficult maintaining the ruse  
as she fought off the growing blush threatening to overtake  
her features; all because of the mere thought that a  
handsome man such as Ranma would find someone as homely and  
plain as her 'breath taking.'  
  
Kasumi turned her head towards Ranma to catch a peek at him.  
She was caught when she noticed Ranma give her a playful  
wink and smile. She quickly lowered her head in embarrassed  
glee as the fire in her cheeks tried to work its way across  
her body.  
  
While this went on, Soun replied out to all assembled. "Oh,  
nothing is the matter dear. I'm just so happy that Ranma  
has chosen you to be his new fiancée. I was just saying how  
he was going to make you such a happy bride-"  
  
Soun's words were cut off when both Akane and Ranma  
interrupted with "but."  
  
The room grew silent as Ranma and Akane looked shocked. The  
two looked at each other wondering who should go first and  
for a second time interrupted each other with "but."  
Finally, Akane grew angry and flustered and continued with:  
"But father, how can you possibly engage Kasumi to this..  
this 'boy!.'" She spat out the last part with venom.  
  
The room grew silent for a moment as everyone waited for  
Soun to respond, but he turned to Ranma and said: "I think  
you were about to add something."  
  
Ranma nodded. "Yes, Mr. Tendo. I was about to add that I  
can't get engaged to Kasumi. She's very beautiful and she  
seems very sweet and kind and I'm sure she would make me a  
very happy and lucky man, but even if we do decide to get  
engaged. I don't think I can get formally engaged to her  
just yet."  
  
"And why not?" responded Soun.  
  
"Because I think we really should wait until my mother  
arrives. I mean isn't it tradition or something, I really  
don't know but I heard someone say that to me."  
  
Soun let out a relieved sigh, so too did Kasumi though no  
one aside from her noticed. "Okay then, if that's the case  
when Genma wakes up I'll just have him call his wife and  
have her come over-"  
  
Soun's next words were muffled as Genma's hands now covered  
it. With a now alert Genma, he quickly whispered something  
in his friend's ear and the man went wide-eyed.  
  
"Uh, just one moment," came Soun's final words before the  
two men went into a corner to talk to themselves.  
  
In their absence the three Tendo daughters and Ranma did a  
slight double blink.  
  
"Wow! I didn't even know he was awake, let alone alert  
enough to move that fast," was all Nabiki could say.  
  
Ranma let off a "Humph," and nodded. "My Pop is probably up  
to something. He usually never moves that fast unless his  
life depends on it--in those moments it's like he's  
psychic."  
  
Akane just scowled as she glared at Ranma. "You're not  
marrying my sister," was all she said.  
  
Ranma gave her a raised eyebrow while Kasumi reprimanded her  
with: "Akane, it's family honor."  
  
The third Tendo sister then crossed her arm and continued to  
glare at Ranma as she tried to pierce holes through him.  
  
"Don't worry, I won't force anyone to do anything," replied  
Ranma. "If Kasumi or you or your other sister don't want to  
marry me then I won't force you guys to."  
  
"But what about family honor?" replied Nabiki with a hint of  
curiosity. 'What could he be up to?' she thought.  
  
Ranma shrugged. "As crude as it may sound I say 'fuck it!'  
As long as you don't call a blood vendetta I'll end it on my  
side. I don't need to ruin you or your sister's lives by  
marrying someone like me."  
  
Kasumi let out a worried frown. "Like you?" she asked.  
  
Ranma turned to her with a soft smile. "Yeah, like me. I'm  
cursed, just like my father is."  
  
The three girls looked at him with wide eyes. "So you turn  
into a panda like your father," continued Kasumi.  
  
Ranma grinned and let off a snorted laugh. "Ha! Thank god  
I didn't. This is what my curse looks like." He extended  
his arms and then pointed to himself. "Aren't I hideous?"  
  
Nabiki responded with a wry "hardly," while Kasumi wondered  
what his true form looked like-wondering if it was as good  
looking as his cursed.  
  
There was a muffled remark of "pervert," from Akane but no  
one paid her heed when Nabiki added: "Are you trying to joke  
with us? Cause not to inflate your ego but you're pretty  
good looking, I would think your curse would be... I don't  
know, a curse-like your fathers at least."  
  
Ranma simply shrugged. "My Pop and I got our curses at some  
Valley in China called Jusenkyo. Which roughly means 'Land  
of the Cursed Springs...' There are about a few hundred  
small pools that if you fall into one of them, you'll be  
cursed to transform into whatever last drowned in that pool.  
In my Pop's case I'm sure it's pretty obvious, as for me...  
Well, I might not look all that different from my normal  
form, but if you come closer you'll notice that my pupils  
are flaming red and I've got this." At that moment, the  
umber sash around his waist took a life of its own as it  
unfurled itself and floating in the air-one end running back  
to the base of his tailbone.  
  
The three girls took a step back as they stared at it.  
  
"Wha.. what did you fall into, exactly?" asked Kasumi when  
she finally got the nerve to approach Ranma. Her hand was  
only a few inches away from the brow hairy monkey's tail  
that extended from Ranma's rear; her eyes held a curious  
gleam as they came close enough that if Ranma had wanted to,  
he could tickle her nose with it.  
  
Seeing the wondrous expression from Kasumi, Ranma smirked as  
he acted on impulse. "You can touch it if you like."  
  
There was another muffled "pervert," from Akane but again no  
one paid her attention.  
  
As Kasumi looked one last time to see Ranma nod to her  
before she tentatively reached forward and grabbed the  
floating appendage, marveling at how soft and smooth it was.  
With it close to her face for inspection, she giggled when  
she felt the end of the tail twitch and tickle her nose and  
brush against her cheek.  
  
Seeing that the tail was harmless, Nabiki too reached  
forward to touch it as her hands caressed Ranma's tail.  
"What kind of curse is this?" she asked. "Did you fall into  
the spring of drowned Saiyain or something?" There was a  
hint of joking sarcasm at the end. Akane just stood far  
away from whatever it was that was sticking out of that  
boy's butt.  
  
Ranma responded with: "A Saiya-what?" Then shaking his  
head. "I don't know what that is but no, I don't think I  
fell into that. According to the guide who took us to  
Jusenkyo, I fell into the spring of Drowned Son Gokuu."  
  
At the mention of that the three Tendo sisters perked their  
eyebrows in surprise. "You're shitting us, right?" came  
Nabiki's response.  
  
Ranma shook his head. "Sorry, no lie. I fell into the  
legendary spring of Drowned Monkey King. It's a tragic tale  
of the Monkey King who died while trying to save a Buddhist  
Monk 1800 years ago. Or so the guide says."  
  
As Kasumi continued to thumb Ranma's tail, she looked at him  
with concern and asked: "How do you look when the curse is  
deactivated?"  
  
"As I said, not much different," he replied with a smile.  
"Aside from what your holding plus this," he said while  
pointing to his eyes. "In my normal form I have gray-blue  
eyes instead."  
  
Nabiki nodded. "Eyes just like the monkey king. So, I  
suppose your cursed form is stronger and faster as well?"  
  
"That's right," he replied. "I'm also supposed to be able  
to transform and fly but that hasn't happened yet if at all.  
In any case, the curse ain't too bad I mean aside from the  
curse making me act a little 'off,' it's pretty cool."  
  
"What do you mean a little off," returned Nabiki. Kasumi  
nodded silently to her sister's query since it just wouldn't  
do to have a lunatic for a fiancé, she after all had heard  
of the strange Kuno boy and his odd behavior around Akane.  
  
Oblivious to Kasumi and Nabiki's mental concerns, Ranma  
replied with a carefree manner. "Oh it's nothing serious.  
People say that in my cursed form I'm more confident and  
impulsive. A little mischievous as well but I'm the monkey  
king so what the hell do you expect? Oh, I'm also able to  
read and speak archaic Chinese and do a few other things but  
that's about it."  
  
Kasumi and Nabiki nodded at this explanation, sighing in  
relief that the boy in front of them wasn't a nut case,  
though Nabiki mentally added that she would keep an extra  
eye on him.  
  
"Well anyway, I wonder what the hell my Pop and your Pop are  
doing. They've been talking in secret for some time."  
  
"It beats me," came Nabiki's response. Kasumi simply shook  
her head while Akane was too absorbed at staring down the  
boy who had not only gotten her two sisters to do something  
so perverted as touch his monkey's tail but he was also the  
boy who had the gall to call her unskilled. 'I'll show  
him,' she thought.  
  
"I challenge you," she finally said from out of the blue.  
  
"Huh?" replied Ranma.  
  
"I challenge you. If I defeat you, you will renounce your  
engagement to my sisters and I. And furthermore you will  
take your father, yourself, and your freakish curses out of  
here and never come back."  
  
By then, the two father's had returned, having caught the  
tail end of Akane's challenge.  
  
Genma rushing up to Ranma's side and began: "Boy, accept her  
challenge this instant. You must defeat her and marry a  
Tendo so that you can carry on the two schools."  
  
Soun then popped up on Ranma's other side and added: "That's  
right son. You must defeat my sweet Akane, but please be  
gentle. And remember, family honor is at stake."  
  
Ranma simply shrugged and said "no problem, I'll kick her  
ass in less than five seconds." He then gave Akane a cocky  
smile and stared at her with his frightening red eyes that  
seemed to glow for a second.  
  
Akane swallowed hard and then suddenly realized something.  
"I demand that you fight in your true form; it's cheating if  
you use your curse to your advantage."  
  
Ranma shrugged again. "Whatever," he replied as he rolled  
his eyes. "Even in my uncursed form I'll still kick your  
ass in under five seconds."  
  
Akane smiled. 'Ha, now I have him. I'm the best in Nerima  
and practically the world. As soon as this freakish 'boy'  
transforms back I'll beat him up just like I did his  
father.' Akane began to mentally cackle to herself,  
grabbing her stomach to contain her external laughter.  
  
To those watching, it looked like she was going through  
spasms as everyone took a nervous step back. 'What a weird  
chick,' thought Ranma--a thought also mirrored by those  
around him.  
  
+++ Tendo Dojo +++  
  
"Alright, the rules are anything goes. The first person to  
be knocked out or to tap out loses. Is that understood,"  
began Soun.  
  
The two fighters nodded.  
  
"Alright, face me, bow; face each other, bow. Fighting  
stance. Hajime![1]"  
  
At the signal, Akane let off a fierce cry as she charged  
Ranma like a mad bull. She was hoping for a quick knock  
out--dealing with Ranma much as she would any other boy at  
school.  
  
When she was nearly in striking range, she let loose with a  
three hit combo, beginning with a round kick followed in  
close succession with a back-fist to the head and reverse  
punch to the stomach; all of which missed as Ranma side  
stepped the girl.  
  
Quickly, Akane spun on her heal as she tried to track  
Ranma's progress, the boy looked at her with his guard down-  
-dancing up and down on his toes as he dodged and weaved  
between her strikes. As the fight wore on and Akane  
unleashed another combo of fast punches and kicks, she  
realized she had seriously underestimated her opponent.  
  
'He's somehow reading my moves,' she thought as the boy  
weaved in and out of her guard, while also tapping Akane at  
vital openings along her stomach and side. This act showing  
to both the girl and those watching, just how vulnerable she  
had left herself to anyone of Ranma's potential counter  
strikes. This of course further infuriated Akane as she  
looked at the smug smile planted across his face. 'I'll  
show him,' she thought just before she let out a loud  
"kiyai!" and charged.  
  
As she swung with a forward reverse punch that caused her to  
over extend in hopes of catching her opponent at the tail  
end of the strike, she soon learned that Ranma was a lot  
faster that she had previously estimated. Moving at just  
the last possible second, her hand flew through his after  
image as the boy sidestepped her but this time  
counterstriking with a sharp kick to her rear--sending the  
girl crashing into the Dojo wall.  
  
With a loud crack and subsequent thud, her head made contact  
against the building's wood frame as her body fell back onto  
its rear. She had a glazed look in her eyes as her brown  
orbs rolled up into the back of her head. Quickly Soun ran  
over to check his daughter to see if she wasn't in any  
serious danger. Counting to ten, he then acknowledged Ranma  
as the victor of the fight, then quickly trying to revive  
his baby girl. It was about twenty seconds later that Akane  
began to stir and groggily get back to her feet.  
  
"I'm not finished with you yet," she slurred as she tried to  
steady herself. "You haven't beaten me."  
  
She rushed at him but fell short of her target as her left  
foot tripped up her right, causing her to come crashing down  
for a second time; this time thoroughly knocking herself  
out.  
  
"Oh my, Akane!" gasped Kasumi when she saw this. She was  
initially worried after Akane's first tumble, but Soun had  
assured everyone that a hit to a head like that wouldn't  
permanently injure the girl. However, this latest tumble  
had the added effect of causing Akane's ankle to twist at an  
odd angle when she landed; this was made evident to all who  
were watching as they cringed at the obvious pain Akane must  
have been in. Fortunately, Akane had soon after knocked  
herself out when her head impacted with the Dojo's wooden  
floor, thus saving herself from feeling the immediate  
affects of having a heavily sprained ankle.  
  
However, unfortunately, when the family's local  
chiropractor, a Doctor Ono Tofu was called in to help  
bandage the injury, the presence of one Kasumi Tendo and the  
news of her recent engagement had left the unconscious girl  
more worse for wear. In the end, Akane had a dislocated  
shoulder; a broken right ankle in conjunction with her  
sprained left, and a nasty rash along her thigh from having  
a love struck Dr. Tofu constantly inspecting the wrong end  
of Akane's leg with his wandering hand.  
  
Needless to say, Nabiki had taken pictures while Kasumi  
shook her head at the sight of the young doctor. Mumbling  
to herself about how she used to admire him for his skill,  
but after seeing how the man handled and treated her baby  
sister, the idle thought of 'malpractice suit' was something  
that wasn't only relegated to Nabiki's mind set.  
  
Finally, Dr. Tofu's reign of terror was brought to an end  
when Genma knocked the foggy eyed doctor unconscious, while  
Ranma was used to keep Soun from tearing the now unconscious  
doctor apart. As the two wrestled, it finally took Genma's  
massive girth to pin the enraged Tendo patriarch to the  
ground, while the police made it in time to arrest the dear  
doctor.  
  
With the evidence collect by Nabiki's camera, and the  
inspection by a doctor from a neighboring district, there  
was little evidence to doubt that the massive injuries  
inflicted by Tofu unto Akane were intentional.  
  
When the family finally finished with their interviews and  
the police were done gathering evidence, the Tendos and the  
Saotomes settled in for the night; all nervous and uneasy  
due to the recent events of having the trusted family  
chiropractor molest and injure an unconscious Akane in full  
view of her family. Added Kasumi's recent engagement to  
Ranma that seemed to have snowballed, everyone was in dire  
need of sleep.  
  
+++ 10th Precinct, Nerima +++  
  
"Well Doctor, this is your new cell mate, Bubba. I hope you  
two can be friends."  
  
Doctor Tofu looked from the jail guard and then over to the  
three hundred plus pound man who was eying the young man  
with a gaze that caused the hair on Tofu's neck to stand out  
on end.  
  
"Don't worry Boss, me and the Doc are going to be like bosom  
buddies. Now isn't that right." By that statement, Bubba  
extended one of his large tree-trunk like arms around the  
doctor's shoulder, squeezing the smaller man to his frame  
and nearly picking him off the ground with hardly any  
effort.  
  
The guard just smiled and closed the iron door--locking it  
with a loud metal *clank*. "Bubba, make sure this man knows  
what happens to people who molest unconscious little girls,"  
said the guard once he was out of eyesight. The guard  
snickered to himself when he added the word 'little.' He  
knew that a sixteen-year-old girl was far from being too  
immature for sex, but the guard had a thing against any sort  
of sexual predator and so he only thought it was right to  
teach such scum a lesson.  
  
As the guard began to whistle an offbeat tune, he heard the  
screams and cries for help of the young doctor as Bubba  
showed him his idea of tender loving care.  
  
To be continued...  
  
--- Notes ---  
  
[1] - Hajime means fight.  
  
--- C&C ---  
  
Send Comments, Criticisms, or Suggestions to  
allwhacked@hotmail.com Also if you're going to flame me, at  
least give me a reason besides "it sucks" or "you can't  
write sh*t." Thanks. 


End file.
